E news

I've been thinking about this post for awhile.

We are expecting a new baby in January! Following our naming tradition, this one will be named with an E. My mom always jokes about our getting to "Q," but it is only that, my mom's joke.

Early this year, I had a dream about this baby. I was holding a baby, a newborn, because it was naked and red, except for the diaper. Then I was changing the diaper. (I don't remember if it was a boy or a girl). Pretty soon it became clear to me whose baby this was, because I started nursing. That is all I remember from the dream, and it woke me up.

It was enough.

I am not quite sure why it was my baby. It would be so much easier to say that it was a memory rather than a forecast. But I knew and felt that child was mine. So we are proceeding in faith despite my doubts, and that my questions including "Are you sure?" and "how will I?" and "how can I?" will develop into understanding.

I love motherhood. It has grown on me over time, I didn't always see in it what I see now. I am excited for the friendship and relationship I am already forming with another precious person--someone willing to be my child.

Last week in one of my overwhelmed moments (there are many of these) I laid down on Andrew's bed and watched the kids play with each other. They were climbing up Andrew's short dresser and then jumping off. Diana, unable to jump alone, was offered assistance from first Andrew, and then Bryn. For a moment I felt joy and comfort that I will have their help. This feeling was confirmed by Andrew offering me another pillow. He said, "Take this one, it's more comfortable."

Teaching assistants, you might call them. I feel blessed to be surrounded by them. They are wonderful and teach me so much.

I love this quote about mothers. I remember it from a visiting teaching message a few years ago:
President David O. McKay (1873–1970): “[The] ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness … to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world. She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserves the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose influence will be felt through generations to come, … deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God.”

It meant a lot to me because I've always wanted to write something worth reading. One of the goals I never achieved was to write my first book by age 30. Perhaps I set my deadline too early, I tend to do that. Regardless,I know women like this--whose influence has been felt through generations, and I would like to be one, too.

Now, I feel like I am rambling, but there's one more thing. My childbearing years now extend to nearly a decade. In that time, I've come to know people who've suffered multiple miscarriages and infertility. My heart aches for them and their desire to create and bring about life, and increases my reverence for our privilege and responsibility. By sharing their grief and pain with me, these individuals have enhanced my perspective and refined my attitude. Thank you.

Tonight at family home evening, we told our children. So before they tell you, I am telling you.
Andrew's first question was, "Do you know if it's a boy or girl?"
Bryn's comment was: "I hope it's a boy."
Caitlin began to dance around the room.
We tried to get Diana to tell us if it was a boy or girl, and she said, "Baby."

2010 will be a busy year for us. Relocating to the career for which we've been working for over 9 years. A new baby. Maybe purchasing our first home? Beginning the process of paying off our student loans.

We will see and keep you posted along the way.

Cheers!